I’m SO sorry it has taken me this long to write another post!! Last weekend was my baby shower and things were just INSANE the whole week. My mother-in-law, two sisters-in-law, and some of my sweet friends/”family” came in town on Friday for it and left yesterday afternoon, so I have just been one busy girl preparing for them and enjoying them here!
So, pretty much, I’ve been writing this same blog post for the last week!
I’m working on one about the baby shower, but in the meantime, I figured you guys wouldn’t mind another post about back when Jon and I were dating. 🙂
And can I just tell you girls how much I loved reading your comments on Monday’s post? Some of them were fun to read (you guys have such FUN romance stories!!), some brought back tons of memories of when I was in high school and dreaming about my future husband, and some just broke my heart (and know that I’m praying for all of you who are playing the waiting game right now).
And can I also tell you that I was twenty-one before I ever went on a date? It is so completely okay to wait for awhile. I’m SO glad I did. Jon was the second guy I ever dated and I can’t tell you how huge of a blessing it was for me to walk into our marriage without tons of baggage from previous relationships.
Getting back to memory lane… 🙂
I remember that Wednesday night Bible study was starting to become my favorite night of the week and not just because of the Bible study. Every week, everyone would come and then around ten-ish when everyone else would be leaving, Jon would be just sitting down on the couch and I’d go take my place in the recliner and we would end up talking until way past midnight every night.
A couple of weeks after it was starting to get obvious that he wasn’t just hanging around because the poor guy was lonely, I took a bunch of high school girls from my church – including my sister Cayce – on a long weekend retreat.
The Wednesday before I left, Jon was talking about a family that we both knew from church and how they were moving and he was going to go hang out with the kids the next day and would I like to go with him?
SUCH a smooth move! I totally noticed how great he was with kids and how nuts they were about him.
He ended up texting me the rest of day and by the end of Thursday night I was completely certain that Jon O’Brien was not interested in just being friends.
So, I went on the retreat. And there was very little – if any – cell reception, which ended up being great because it gave me a lot of time to just think and pray about Jon and whether or not I was ready for a relationship. I would tell all the girls to grab their Bibles and find some alone time and then I’d go find Cayce and tell her that we were going on a walk.
Poor Cayce got almost zero alone time that weekend.
But she did listen very well as we walked all around the camp and I talked and talked and talked about Jon. Did he like me as more than a friend? Did I like him as more than a friend? Did she think he was a nice guy?
And, I didn’t know this until much later, but apparently my brothers and parents invited Jon over for dinner while I was gone. Just to “get to know him better”. Apparently, it was obvious to everyone else but me that he was interested.
We got back and Jon asked if I’d like to go to lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. I remember being SO nervous before he showed up at my house but by the time we got to the restaurant, I was completely fine. I felt all small and petite next to him (again, not an easy thing to feel when you are 5’7″!!!) and we ended up talking at lunch about everything and there was never a moment where the conversation got awkward.
Actually, I take that back. I was playing with my straw wrapper during part of the conversation. I was tearing it into little squares and then arranging the squares on the table and he – Mr. I’m-Going-To-Teach-Special-Ed – told me that I probably had a mild form of ADD and OCD.
Um. Thank you.
We started noticing that a lot of people had cleared out of the restaurant and there was some new people sitting down and realized then that we’d been talking for FOUR hours and we were running into the dinner crowd. Our poor waiter guy. I hope Jon tipped him well.
More memories to come! And I want to keep hearing yours! And new question – is there (or was there) any characteristic in a future husband that would (or did) keep you from marrying him?
I’ll post pics of the shower in a bit! Have a great Tuesday!
~~
I LOVE reading about how you and Jon first met and started dating! I aslo loved reading all of the comments from your previous post – I was sad when I had read all of them!
Keep writing and blogging:)
To answer your question: I think if he was un-genuine. Like, you can just tell who gets into the worship at church and who is just doing it cause they're up there on stage and people are watching them. Or if they cussed a bunch. To me, that's a turn off. Or if they smoked. I don't know if I could handle that… and there's probably others but let's just go with that(:
Thanks so much for sharing these stories, Erynn! I love reading these kinds of stories.
It's encouraging to hear you didn't date until you were 21 – I'm 19 and haven't had my first date yet and most days I'm fine with that, but sometimes, I wish it weren't so. I'm doing my best to simply wait for God to pull everything together in His perfect timing.
I love hearing your story! Girls, I'm 24 and have never been on a real date. It's a sensitive subject sometimes bc I wonder why guys aren't interested in me, but I do live in a very small town and God has His own timing. I definitely dream about when I meet that guy though.
When my best friend went on her first date with her now husband they stayed at Starbucks talking until they were told to leave bc of closing! Maybe that's something to watch for in a guy, someone you can just talk and talk with?!
I'd have to say there are a lot of deal breakers nut I'd have to say being overly tempermental is very high on the list
Practically all my friends "go out" so sometimes it like hey, am I the ONLY one not playing the dating game and waiting? So I love all these comments! It's good to know other girls are waiting on God to send Mr. Right into their lives:)
I love reading your dating posts, Erynn! They're very encouraging. I was asked out on a date a few weeks ago (I'm 18) and I turned the offer down. The main turn off to me was I was carrying a bunch of stuff that day, and the guy didn't even offer to carry any of it, even when one of my guy friends told me he would if he wasn't on crutches! No chivalry= BIG NO NO! Also, when the guy asked me out, and my response was "No, thank you very much, but I have a standard that I'm not going to date or court until I'm ready to get married," he then got desperate and said, "Are you sure? I'll ask your parents?" Another big no no. He should have said that FIRST. Anway, those are my dating/courting observations.
I'm waiting for you, my love.
Whistlers and those that always feel the need to bounce their knee or tap something drive me crazy. I just can't do it! Hopefuly there's a guy out there that isn't like my brothers… :).
I love stories like this!! It's so fun to catch up and get to know this relationship a little bit better.
Love you so so so much!! SO glad we came this past weekend. It went by WAY too fast, and felt like a too short of a visit though. Boo!
~ Jen
If a guy is lazy, I'm not going to commit. I need a man who will work hard–on his relationship with me, on his job, etc. It says a lot about his character if he's a hard worker.
wow what a great post! The one thing I want to know is what defines a date? I mean I have been out with this guy alone heaps-just the 2 of us! But I'm not really sure if they were dates or not but the on thing is we have decided we are both more than friends but not quite girl friend/boy friend!
I have been asked out on many dates some I swear were dares (really upsetting right?) but eat time I have turned them down as the main reason has been that I was not allowed to date until I was 15 ( I am almost 16 now) as my parents didn't want me to rush into it! I'm so glad that I had that rule to apply to! Now when any one asks me out I just say that I have boyfriend (well sorta!) and that I'm not interested they are normally guys who I can tell are doing it to see my reaction!
🙂
It's so cool reading about when you and Jon met and started out together :D. A dealbreaker on a future husband would be if he talked down about his family or to me constantly. Or if he didn't get along with my family.
i love hearing your stories! can't wait for more! 🙂
and about your question: i wouldn't marry someone unless he was a gentleman and respected me. another turnoff is if he couldn't stay quiet. i couldn't stand if there was constant noise in my house or if he always had to be with me to be content. i'm not a people-person and it would be hard if i couldn't have alone time. oh and he has to like to read! i just don't understand people who say they don't like to read! how can you not like to read?? 🙂
I don't like clingy guys. Most guys say women are clingy but I had a friend who was engaged to this guy and he was always hugging on her or holding her hand and he was always there, touching her, even if it was his foot, allways! I was annoyed because I wanted my best friend, not my best friend and this new implanted mess on her side! But he was nice and I think it is good for a boy friend to get along with the girl's friends and want to get to know them as well. Obviously I want a guy who is either at the same level or above me when it comes to spiritual maturity, guys are supposed to be the spiritual leader in the home. He would also have to get along with my family and be able to handle the insanity, pranks and loudness of us all and not be weirded out by my three sister's and my very close and open relationship, we share everything and tell every thing to each other. =] He should have good character and all the fruits of the spirit and that just covers all the good qualities expected =p. He also has to be a conversationalist, I like to talk and I come form a family of talkers, I don't like awkward silence that last for minutes at a time. I like hearing the voices of the people around me! LOL
My guy (I like to call him Mike Smith since that's a very popular name. I'm weird. I know. I needed a name!) has to have some serious nerve to ak me out because I have six sisters and a brother plus very protective parents! But I love knowing that he's out there and that whatever he going through today, good or bad, God is preparing him for me. 😀
I didn't go on my first date until 25 and was it worth the wait!! Crazy in love with the man of my dreams now. 🙂
Side thought: I think people should wait before diving headlong into dating/long term relationships. I think it's so important that we take time to get to know ourselves and mature. I'm not the same person I was even a year ago. I'm becoming the person I've always wanted to be which has made me such a match to my man!
Erynn, keep up the stories, I love it! 🙂
I think the biggest "deal breaker" with a potential husband would be a lack of morality. If the person doesn't carry and hold the same morals as you, you will have a tough time in the marriage. Also, for me, as a Christian, him having the same faith as me is a must.
I think I did pretty well. I married a youth minister. 😉 I think he's pretty cute, too.
I love the post. 🙂 So nice to hear about good, Christian couples who did the right things. It gives you hope when everyone else tells you that you have to compromise your beliefs when it comes to dating now. As far as the question goes… obviously I wouldn't date anyone if they weren't a Christian and stuff, but I could never date a guy who wore skinny jeans. I just don't think I could feel safe and protected by a guy whose pants are tighter than mine. It's a little weird for me. Just throwing that out there.
I didn't have a real relationship until age 19 (I'm 20 now) and though the wait was tough, it really is worth it. Sometimes I'm in awe actually because I'm so thankful that God protected my purity for all those single years. I wasn't a Christian until age 17, so had God given me a boyfriend before now, a lot of heartbreak could have happened. He is faithful! And I've never been kissed, even though my boyfriend and I have been dating for several months. We've decided to wait until marriage, and though it's really, really tough not to kiss him, it's definitely been the right choice for us! Patience is SO tough, but SO worth it. I have to keep reminding myself of that. As for the question, I couldn't date someone who wasn't really living for Christ. Even if they were going to church or said they believed in God, they would have to have given their whole life to the Lord. I can't imagine dating (or marrying!) someone who wasn't walking with me.
Oh, gosh I love that straw-wrapper moment! Hilarious. Hey. Would've been doing the same thing.
Can't wait to catch up on your blog—I'm one of your newest followers. The one with the green mug of chai in her face;)
(normally I go for coffee, but chai every once in a while is so good)
Oh, and p.s. I'm 19 and I haven't gone out…have been asked (by the guy I've liked since I was 15) but…totally not yet.
I love reading this! You and Jon have such a sweet story! It's encouraging to know that I'm not the only one who has met her prince (or even any possible princes) yet… I know I'm not that old yet (20 in a few months), but I still get discouraged sometimes because, well, I don't know ANY guys. At all. Lol. But God is teaching me to rely on Him and trust Him.. and I know that all this waiting is good for me and helping me much more than I realize. 🙂 Oh, and the dealbraker for me would be Salvation, obviously, but after that, arrogance and pride.
I love your blog! But to answer your question I think if he wasn't a Christian that would definitly keep me from marrying him. Unless I could witness to him.
I'm so excited to read your Maya books, and I enjoyed reading about you n your man's journey! I've dated one handful of men and I think it's time I focus on my career, and leave the man-finding up to Jesus.
This comment is at Brittney, who just left a comment about not marrying a non-christian unless she could witness to him.
I just want you to be wise about that, because the Bible tells us not to be yoked/married to a non-believer. It's so much easier to be pulled down than to pull someone up. Dating/marrying a person who doesn't share your beliefs is just something that could cause you a lot of pain.
Great blog and comments! I have something I've been pondering as I wait for my guy….Where is the balance between 1) waiting on the Lord to bring the right guy for you and 2) not sitting around waiting on God when He may actually be waiting on you?
Lately I hear a lot about stepping out in faith and how God may be waiting on us when we think we're waiting on Him…but I can't help but think that God's gonna bring the right guy at the right time without any input from me. =P What is your insight on this?
Before my now husband and I were "officially" dating we were once asked to leave a restaurant to go and chat somewhere else so they could lock up. Time flies when you're having fun!